Heads up Future StepMoms! Don’t say you weren’t informed

Here is an eye-opening article from www.sheknows.com

THE 411 ON
BEING A STEPMOM
blended-family
So you’ve fallen hard for a man with kids, and you think he might pop the question.
You love the children, and you feel ready, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions about what it will be like to actually walk in the shoes of a step-parent and how to be a stepmother. Read on for what you need to know and discuss with your single dad before you say, “I do.”

1
What will your role be?
Do you and your partner have the same idea of what your role in his children’s lives will be after you’re married? It’s important to discuss not only how you see yourself as a stepmom but also how he views you as a step-parent. You could find you are on two completely different pages when it comes to what your role should be in his children’s lives. Communicating about it now will save you a lot of problems in the future.

What you need to know about raising stepchildren >>

2
What is his relationship like with his ex?
Have you discussed his relationship with his ex-wife in any great detail? It’s possible that up until now, he’s given you the CliffsNotes or even the candy-coated version. But if you’re considering becoming a part of his family, it’s important he is honest about you — about the good and the bad. If it turns out he and his ex-wife have a rocky relationship, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. They obviously got divorced for a reason. But because she will likely play a large role in his life for a while, his relationship with her is important. Not just to him but also to his children.

3
What will your relationship be like with his ex?
Hopefully, your answer to that question is positive. Because no matter what, you will need to work hard at your relationship with her. She is the mother of the children, and her role needs to be respected. You may not always see eye-to-eye, and that’s OK. Your relationship with the kids’ mom is one that’s going to take time to cultivate. In the beginning, it won’t be unusual if it’s harder than you expected. But over time, if you remember to always put the kids’ needs first, it should improve.

See the rest of the article here…

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/955197/being-a-stepmom

Megan EdwardsHeads up Future StepMoms! Don’t say you weren’t informed

Surprise for My StepSon!!

I am so excited that, in 2 weeks, my Dad will be bringing my cat, Ollie, to Vancouver to live with us!! I found Ollie back in 2009, right after the cat I had since I was 8, passed away so he is very special to me. I have had to wait 2.5 years until I got settled in Vancouver and owned a place that allowed pets before I could take him.

I’m pumped because this is an opportunity for me to surprise my StepSon! He has a cat at his mom’s house, so I know he loves them and having a new (to him) cat will be very exciting. I have been planting the seed for a few weeks now; “How nice would it be to have a cat?” “Look at a picture of my cat Ollie!” etc. I have been having dreams about this (that’s how excited I am!!) so I will be sure to post a video of the first time my SS sees my cat Ollie.

ollsie

Megan EdwardsSurprise for My StepSon!!

StepMoms, Make Sure Dad Is Doing His Part

Here is an article from The Huffington Post:

“The stepmother is probably the least-defined role in the contemporary family structure: She is a parent, yet not the parent. A caregiver but not always a care-getter. She donates considerable time, space, attention, resources, and family income to people from another life. She has not only willingly opened her private life to the one she loves, but allowed it to be invaded by needy, willful, attachments with whom she has no biological, legal, or dependent connection.

And what does the stepmom get for her trouble (while the woman from another life gets a regular alimony check)? Probably not as much as she deserves — certainly less than she imagined when she first considered her romantic future. This is not to say that stepmoms are miserable and masochistic. Often they dearly love the children brought into their lives. But her needs are frequently overshadowed by those of her husband. She is there for him. She is there for the kids. But who’s there for her, and is it enough?

In my experiences as a remarried father and author of essays on divorced dadhood, I’ve identified six things remarried dads need to realize they owe the new loves in their lives.”

Commitment, Patience, Compassion, Appreciation, Time, and Empathy.

See the article here…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joel-schwartzberg/six-things-remarried-dads_b_786656.html#s186210&title=Patience

Wedding Rings

Megan EdwardsStepMoms, Make Sure Dad Is Doing His Part

Pic of the Day! A little Dad and StepSon FaceTime

That time my partner was working for the day and my #StepSon Facetimed him to say goodnight. So cute!! #StepMoms #StepMomsAnonymous #BlendedFamily image

Megan EdwardsPic of the Day! A little Dad and StepSon FaceTime

“How To Be The Best Stepmom Ever” Article from the Huffington Post

After posting that anonymous story in The SMA Exchange yesterday, I decided to browse the internet and see if I could find anything that would be relevant and provide, at least, some answers for our subscriber. I did come across this article. It has a fresh perspective and an optimistic, but realistic, tone.

“There is nothing quite like falling in love. It’s a complete and total bonus when your relationship includes little ones you can fall in love with, too!

But being a stepmom is not for the faint-hearted. As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say being a stepmom is one of the most under-appreciated and stressful situations a woman can find herself in.

Before I was a single mom, I was a stepmom. When I met my first husband, he was almost divorced with three children. After a short time, I met his three kids, who were eight, five, and two at the time. They were sweet, funny, and loving. But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Their parents were acrimonious in their dealings with one another, which was not lost on the kids. I could write chapter and verse about what I learned about co-parenting from watching them in action, but this blog is about what I learned about being the best stepmom ever.

Here are some gems for you:

“You are not the kid’s “new” mom, but you can be a part of the kid’s support system while you befriend their real mom. I made sure to reach out and let my husband’s ex know she could call me anytime. If you can’t become friends, at the very least become friendly.*
Say great things about their mom and mean them. Said another way, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it. Said another way, don’t ever, no matter how evil, vile or vindictive your husband’s ex is, say anything bad about their mother. If you must say something to someone about her, say it to your best friend while the kids are at school, you’re at the grocery store alone (because you need a bottle of wine), or in your therapist’s office. I mean it.
Be available but not overbearing. Let the kids dictate how much they want to share and how close they want to get to you. They will most likely eventually warm up to you, especially if you give them enough time and you’re cool. My husband endured two years of torture as a stepdad before my daughter came around.
You will do many, many things for the kids and your man as a stepmom that will be overlooked and unappreciated. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. Karma is at work here, and someday you’ll reap the rewards of your awesome-sauce-ness, probably in the form of adult kids who love and respect you. I still occasionally talk to my stepkids, even though their dad and I have been divorced for a decade…”

read the whole article here…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honoree-corder/how-to-be-the-best-stepmo_b_3975974.html

Megan Edwards“How To Be The Best Stepmom Ever” Article from the Huffington Post

A Little #TBT of SS

tristan tbt

A while ago, we saw the perfect lunch box for my StepSon for when he starts Kindergarten this September. We’ve been practicing bringing it to Day Care so he learns to open everything by himself and is used to bringing a lunch to school. On this day, his outfit matched his new lunchbox and I thought it was adorbs!!!

Megan EdwardsA Little #TBT of SS

A Question For Every Mom…

This question is not StepMom specific…it’s for every mom out there!

I am new to the “Mother” role and, although I feel comfortable and confident in most decisions I make, I do wonder about what other Mothers/StepMothers/FosterMothers etc would do.

This morning I found my StepSon was incredibly rude to me and my partner as we dropped him off to day care. It is awkward because I know most of the teachers look at me as “the girlfriend” and nothing more, but, I wouldn’t let him get away with talking to us like that at home and I don’t think he should get away with it in public. The first comment my SS made, I let slide, because people were around. When he made the second comment, I had a quiet word with him, letting him know that his behaviour was not acceptable. I’ve decided to have a little chat when I see him tonight as well.

What do YOU do when your child misbehaves in public? How do you handle it with other people around? Let it slide? Point it out then and there?

Megan EdwardsA Question For Every Mom…