February 15, 2017 at 7:54 pm #7601
I am 26. My boyfriend is 46. We met 5 years ago – several months following his wife leaving him. He has four children with his ex, two older daughters, now 17 and 20 and two younger sons, now 12 and 14. We live on the ex-marital property together and raise horses and goats and sheep. He had a vasectomy now twelve years ago.
We made the decision recently that we are prepared to marry and move forward with our lives, and he is willing to undergo a vasectomy reversal so that I may have a child with him.
His ex wife is aware of our decision to marry, and as such, has backed out of settling and signing a divorce, in an effort to spite us. Our life has not been normal in any way, shape or form.
In five years, I have been beaten by his oldest daughter, had my animals attacked and beaten by his younger daughter, his older son in spring of 2016 accused me of a certain criminal act that nearly led to my arrest and (minimum 10 years) imprisonment had my younger step daughter not chosen to step up and tell the truth as to what she witnessed, and his youngest son has taken to a subtle approach of comparing and belittling me to his mother, and reminding me of my identical appearance to his mother, my similar taste in music and movies, etc. etc.
His younger daughter fell into hard drugs and alcohol while living in town with her mother, who chose to throw her out in twenty below winter weather one night without notifying us. We rescued her and rehabilitated her at the farm and re-introduced her to animals and schooling and were successful in our attempt to turn the girl back onto the right path. She just returned to school two weeks ago and has a plan in motion for her graduation and university schooling afterward. I’ve been awarded by the local school board for my part in her turn around, and she herself has thanked me on several occasions and called me her mother (one of the most awarding feelings when you know that the child is saying that to you genuinely).
His ex-wife seems to be the last of our trials now, as she is fully withholding our future from us due to her power over this divorce.
I am young and learning everyday – I don’t think I have half the maturity nor the mental capacity some days, to deal with what I deal with.
But I just want to put my story out there. I only gave the short version of the story. But after five years of the hardest struggles I’ve ever been through, I know the struggles aren’t over – but I’m not giving up, and neither is my partner. We will take one another’s hands in marriage, and we will have a child if it is meant to be.
None of you stepmoms; beaten, cut down, lonely, abused, taken advantage of, or struggling to stay in the life you are living now, are alone. Forums like this one, as well as simply opening my mouth to my trusted friends, have given me a good support network and helped me to open my mind to other perspectives.
I am happy to be here, and I look forward to meeting other stepmothers. Cheers!
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